Music and Self Realization: Solange
I have made 26 revolutions around the sun this week. This journey on earth has been a trying one for my overly sensitive, empathetic, and idealistic soul. I cry at any sign of injustice, any sign of unfair behavior from one being to the next; so I'm sure you can just imagine how all over the place it has all been.
The week leading up to my birthday proved to be no less trying, but i am grateful for this huge sense of optimism that I am suddenly carrying with me. Just last Tuesday i started therapy to address some trauma I experienced as child. I don't say this to evoke any sort of fraudulent sympathy. Au contraire, I literally say this because I am so proud of myself for choosing to fix this now and even prouder of the person that i have become in spite of that.
Emotionally i think every feeling I have been avoiding has hit me like a hot NYC train in the middle of a heat wave, unexpectedly overwhelming. I realized that i have spent a good part of my life avoiding things, breakups, conflicts, cleaning my room, working out, anything that takes more mental and physical energy than i can muster. I have hidden behind friendships to keep me busy, Facebook to keep my mind distracted, parties to keep time from slowing down. This has been a form of coping for me, as i apparently show signs of PTSD.
When Solange's album came out on Tuesday, I let the smooth sounds, and chill vibes rock me to sleep. On the train ride over I got to really listen to the song, Cranes in the Sky and i couldn't help but feel like crying, like ball out, Kim K Tears. I say this with empathy towards Kim Kardashian West, after the Paris robbery I'm sure she will battle with PTSD symptoms for quite sometimes, and i just want to say, I'm here for you my Libra sister. Every word, every melody felt like a gift, like the universe was letting me know that I am not alone in that sadness, in that avoidance of pain. Sometimes when you finally come to a point in your life to really ask for what you want, the universe conspires to hand that to you.
Not just Solange's song, but also Kid Cudi checking into rehab for depression, and Kim Kardashian who seemingly has it all together, all these events are showing me that this battle doesn't have to be a lonely one but it can bring millions together, in support, and most of all awareness.
For me, the first signs that i am on the right track come from a simple song, by a beautiful woman. It has led me to reflect on what it is that i want to make happen in my life, it has made me finally take the reigns. I don't wish to skim the surface any more! I don't want to wish any of it away. Like the late Maya Angelou said “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”